Every year, early autumn brings a curious emotional weather system to neighborhoods across the country. It’s a strange mix of pride, hope, sadness and displacement — parents standing curbside after the minivan is unloaded, wondering how to feel now that the child they raised is sleeping in a stranger-filled dorm and ordering Uber Eats at midnight.
It’s called a “developmental shift” — a moment when your role as a parent doesn’t disappear but is fundamentally redefined. What makes it harder now is how tightly knit many families have become.
Compared to just one generation ago, today’s parents are more involved in nearly every aspect of their children’s lives. Research identifies “emerging adulthood” as a stage stretching from ages 18 to 29 — a time when your son or daughter is still forming identity and often relying on you for emotional scaffolding, even as they seek independence.
So if you feel anxious, that’s not irrational; it’s relational. For years, you’ve been in the front seat of their life, helping steer the course. Now it can feel like you’ve been asked to get out of the car altogether.
So how do you stay connected without overstepping? How do you support growth without micromanaging? And what does it look like to “let go” without disappearing altogether?
- Acknowledge the Grief Behind the Joy
No one talks enough about the quiet sadness of this season. You’re excited — yes. But also disoriented. That’s normal. Studies show parents often experience symptoms of grief after launching a child to college, especially when their identity has been closely tied to hands-on parenting. Don’t suppress that emotion. The more you acknowledge the ache, the more room you make for grace. So, name it. Talk about it with friends. Pray through it. The more honest you are about your own heart, the more empathy you’ll offer to your student’s.
- Shift From Managing to Mentoring
This is the season to trade control for connection. College students don’t need every problem solved — they need someone who believes they can solve it. Instead of offering answers, ask thoughtful questions. Affirm their instincts. Cheer on their courage. That doesn’t mean vanishing. It means being present in a new way. It means pivoting from “parent as manager” to “parent as mentor.”
- Resist the Urge to Over-Connect
It’s tempting to text constantly or follow every campus update. But over-connection will undermine independence. Healthy separation is a key developmental task for college students. Instead of checking in out of your own anxiety, create a rhythm that works for both of you — a weekly FaceTime, a Sunday night call, a monthly care package. Let your presence be felt without being omnipresent.
- Trust the Formation Process
Olivet isn’t just a university — it’s a special community of spiritual formation. Your student will encounter professors, peers, chapel services and conversations that shape their faith in profound ways. Let that be a comfort. The same God who watched over their first day of kindergarten is walking with them now. God’s hand on their life didn’t pause when you pulled out of the parking lot and drove tearfully onto Interstate 57.
- Rediscover the Gift of This New Season
Here’s the part few parents expect: This transition, while bittersweet, is also fertile ground for growth in your own life. You may rediscover passions once shelved. You may invest in your marriage or deepen your own faith. Parenting doesn’t end when your child goes to college. But something else begins: the beautiful, humbling joy of watching them become.
In the end, it’s OK to feel conflicted. It’s OK to cry. But it’s also OK to celebrate. You’re not being left behind — you’re being invited into a new kind of relationship. And that’s something to embrace, not fear.
From Olivet The Magazine, The Parent Guide – Autumn 2025. Read the full issue here.
