Olivet Nazarene University

 

For parents of college students, particularly new college students, what are ways parents can keep their focus on God through missing their students who have moved away from home for the first time for school?

Early in my life God helped me understand that my children (I have two sons) belonged to Him; they were not mine. My job as a parent was to, in fact, work myself out of a job.

I did my best to teach them to honor God, but when the time came, I had to release them to God so that they could go forward and claim the future that God had for them. I haven't always agreed with their decisions, but God has always helped me respect their right to live their own lives.

When they went off to college, I was grateful that both of them were in Christian settings where they had support. My job as a parent was to trust the college personnel to care for my "treasures" as professionally as possible. I wasn't disappointed with the experience my kids had at Olivet.

What are ways parents can encourage time management and surrendering their time and talents in their college children?

If parents haven't taught their children or allowed their children to manage their own schedules in high school, it will be difficult for students to make the transition to college independence and know how to set their own schedules.

My most precious advice for parents of students heading out to colleges is to buy them a loud alarm clock and then resist the temptation to ensure that they are up on time for whatever commitment they have made.

Allowing them to experience the consequences of sleeping through an appointment or event is an excellent way to help them understand that they need to take ownership for their own schedules.

Students, particularly freshmen, come to school excited about the plethora of activities, clubs, and social events that crowd the collegiate calendar. Many want to use their God-given talents as part of a sports team, drama group, or ministry team.

The most important thing, however, is that those activities should support not supplant academics. Students need to be helped to see that their most important activity while a college student is to get the best grades they can.

I'm concerned that college students don't appear to take learning seriously. Never again will students have the opportunity to learn so much in such a short amount of time. Parents need to help their students understand what a wonderful opportunity it is to be engaged in postsecondary education.

To borrow from our Freshman Seminar: Connections, I hope parents help their transitioning students "begin with the end in mind." Four years is a very short time to prepare for a life calling personally and professionally.

At ONU I think we've done a great job putting together the student success strategies to help student make it through to graduation, but we can't do the work for students. Ultimately all of the key stakeholders in the success of students (e.g. administrators, faculty, staff, and parents) must recognize that the onus of responsibility for learning is on students.

For parents who are going through difficult circumstances while their children are at college, can you offer some insights from "tears" on how they can give God their hurts and struggles and not place that burden on already stressed out college kids away from home?

I can't tell you the number of times broken-hearted students have wept in my office sharing deep concerns about issues in their parent's lives. Some have dealt with the pain of divorce, prodigal siblings, or the terminal illness of beloved parent or grandparent.

While being in college doesn't insulate students from the rigor of life issues, it is unfair for parents to expect their children to "be there for them" in a time of crisis.

Parents can help their college students through these painful life experiences if they don't turn to their children for emotional support that could be more appropriately received from a support group at church or in a Christian counselors office.

For some parents, their lives may have felt "on hold" because they have been busy raising kids. Now that their kids are at college, what are ways they can strengthen their marriage, heal from empty nest issues, give their lives to God and find purpose?

In every person's life there are seasons that need to be enjoyed. There is a season for every purpose under heaven. My very wise mother often told me not to live my life for anyone else: spouse, children, friends, boss or any other person.

My job was to live my life for God, and to honor Him in the seasons of my life. While I was raising children, I tried to honor Him. In my professional life, I try to honor God. Because out nest is empty, my husband and I have been able to find time to minister to others at church, travel, and enjoy our adult children when we can.

Because a child has left for college, doesn't mean that God has left. He has work for empty-nesters to do, and I encourage parents of college students to ask God, "Now what?" He will be faithful to fill the void.